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several things make a post

Tonight's web surfing subjects:
Radio stations I listened to in my youth: CKLW, WRIF with Arthur Penhallow, WWWW (W4), WLLZ
Radio stations I listen to now: KFOG, KLLC ("Radio Alice"), KSAN ("The Bone")
Radio station formats: "Rhythmic Contemporary Hit Radio", "Album Oriented Rock," "Hot Adult Contemporary", "Active Rock", "Adult Album Alternative", "Modern Rock"
Alternative music of the early 80s (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-punk), when I was a DJ at WESU (Wesleyan University radio station). The Wikipedia article mentions the phrase "postpunk pop avant-garde," which I remember using at the time (despite thinking it was a tad bit pretentious).
Quick tour through New Wave, grunge, and heavy metal.
Side trip to Joe Satriani, Ulli Jon Roth (guitarists), and the Scorpions (one of my favorite groups in the 70s, back when Ulli played with them, before they got popular).
New music genre term learned: "sleaze metal".


A bit of linkspam:
"Amnesia and the Self That Remains When Memory Is Lost" by Daniel Levitin
This article is interesting to me because my memory of my past seems to be more vague than that of many people I know. And because my mom had Alzheimers. She didn't have the kind of memory loss this article talks about, but there were some similar features.
"We were in Professor Pribram's class, and we worked in a lab together, Roger Shepard's lab."
"Who?"

"Roger Shepard. He had a music and perception lab."

"Wow. That sounds like it must have been interesting. What did I work on there?"
I had one or two conversations like that with my mom.

This entry was originally posted at http://firecat.dreamwidth.org/794146.html, where there are comment count unavailable comments. I prefer that you comment on Dreamwidth, but it's also OK to comment here.

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
graymalkin13
Jan. 5th, 2013 04:30 pm (UTC)
I read Daniel Levitin's article -- thanks for posting the link. It's a poignant piece, and interesting. His mention of the emotional impact of knowing you have a cognitive deficit hit home with me, since I have my own memory issues as well as other deficits.
firecat
Jan. 5th, 2013 06:54 pm (UTC)
Yes.

The viewpoint that losing one's memories doesn't take away one's essence (at least from the point of view of other people) was interesting.
graymalkin13
Jan. 6th, 2013 05:51 am (UTC)
It's an interesting thing to consider. Although I have no expert knowledge or first-hand experience with illnesses that affect memory (other than my own), I'm not surprised that losing memories doesn't diminish or alter one's "soul."

I'm certainly a product of my experiences, especially my experiences as a child. I think the experiences I've had in adulthood have taken me in a different direction and have also contributed to who I am, but in a different, more intellectual way. A way that's easier to articulate in words.

For most of my life I've been unable to recall most of my childhood, and I've found that a positive thing. I seem now to have more access to childhood memories, though not much more. Throughout my life I've often wished to be rid of memories of my past, usually up to the age of 20 or so. As you know, I've treasured my memories of the 1980s to mid-90s, which were my happiest times, before chronic illness seriously set in.

Lately I've sometimes wished to be rid of those memories as well. I think this is part of a suicide fantasy that's part of my depression more than a serious wish to forget those times, but it's hard to say for sure.

I feel that losing those memories wouldn't affect my essence as long as my other cognitive facilities were intact, but again, I'm imagining this memory loss without any reference to reality. I wouldn't want to forget who my friends or my husband are.

The memory problems I have as a result of illness are not a positive thing. They're inconvenient at best and upsetting, depressing, and frightening at worst.

The images of empty frames accompanying the article, and the description of spaces where objects had been removed from the sick man's apartment, were frightening to me, although I found the explanation why the sick man was encouraging people to take whatever of his possessions they liked was... not comforting, but I understood it.

It frightens me that I could become so detached from objects I care about now. But it's good to know that it's possible to feel OK about being that detached, and so calm about what's happening with the disease process.

I think other people would still see my essence should I become so ill. So that aspect of the article didn't surprise me.
firecat
Jan. 6th, 2013 08:50 am (UTC)
It's kind of comforting to know that I'm not the only person with poor memory of my childhood. I've discovered that if I write down the memories close at hand, more of them come back, but otherwise my whole childhood is a five-minute montage.

It frightens me that I could become so detached from objects I care about now. But it's good to know that it's possible to feel OK about being that detached, and so calm about what's happening with the disease process.

I kind of think becoming detached from objects might not happen in your case.

And in a way I think his having come up with this idea of having his visitors take stuff was a way of caring about his stuff. If he really didn't care, then that wouldn't occur to him.
graymalkin13
Jan. 7th, 2013 11:32 am (UTC)
It's kind of comforting to know that I'm not the only person with poor memory of my childhood.

You're definitely not alone in this.

I've discovered that if I write down the memories close at hand, more of them come back, but otherwise my whole childhood is a five-minute montage.

Yes to the montage thing. I can expand moments a little bit by looking at old photos or zeroing in on a particular time, but only to a limited extent, which is fine with me. I think some of the "childhood memories" are shaped by what other people (who were adults at the time) have told me about those times.

I kind of think becoming detached from objects might not happen in your case.

Hee! No ideas but in things. Sometimes I need tangible things to remind me of who and what I am and to ease certain kinds of anxiety. In addition to objects, my tattoos serve this purpose for me.

And in a way I think his having come up with this idea of having his visitors take stuff was a way of caring about his stuff. If he really didn't care, then that wouldn't occur to him.

That's a great way to interpret that. It seemed like by doing that, he was also honoring his visitors' care for him, which seems thoughtful and generous.

If a person with that condition still has the ability to form new memories, it seems... I don't know, to me, it seems like it could be a peaceful way to let go of this incarnation/this particular past. But I say that as someone who has always wanted to forget much of my past.
firecat
Jan. 7th, 2013 06:57 pm (UTC)
I think some of the "childhood memories" are shaped by what other people (who were adults at the time) have told me about those times.

Yeah, and for me, home movies my dad made.

If a person with that condition still has the ability to form new memories, it seems... I don't know, to me, it seems like it could be a peaceful way to let go of this incarnation/this particular past. But I say that as someone who has always wanted to forget much of my past.

I wonder.

I don't want to forget my past, but I'd rather have a different attitude toward it.
graymalkin13
Jan. 8th, 2013 01:09 pm (UTC)
Do you still have access to the movies? Because that sounds very cool.

Your mention of home movies reminds me of a couple of Halloweens when I was a kid. I've seen photos of myself in the beautiful costumes my grandmother used to design and sew. Memories of her doing things like that deserve to be honored, but once I've honored them, I'd be very happy to be rid of them.

I don't want to forget my past, but I'd rather have a different attitude toward it.

That sounds like you. :-) It makes sense, too.

For myself, though... It's like the way I felt about changing my name. I knew it was time to choose my own name and that it had to be completely different from the one I was born with. When I found it, changing it felt utterly right, and I left my old name with a sense of release. That's how I feel about getting rid of most memories of my past.

Oddly, when I changed my name, there were three obstacles. Maybe the Universe was placing challenges in my path to test me.
1) My dear and trusted friend Li told me that the name I'd chosen "felt wrong" and "wasn't me."
2) Friends at work told me I looked crazy to everybody else.
3) The judge at the name-change hearing asked me if I was aware that my chosen new name "suggested a male presence." (It's a traditionally masculine name.) He was quite reluctant to validate my name change.

I persevered and it turned out I did exactly the right thing.

Whether that means I would be doing the right thing by forgetting most of my past, I do not know.
firecat
Jan. 8th, 2013 07:15 pm (UTC)
I think I have the movies on VHS somewhere.

The judge at the name-change hearing asked me if I was aware that my chosen new name "suggested a male presence."

Wow, seriously?
graymalkin13
Jan. 8th, 2013 11:21 pm (UTC)
Yes. The judge also asked if my father was aware I was changing my name. (I was 30 years old. And I had published the required announcement in a newspaper for 3 weeks running. (This was required as a way to prevent people from creating false identities for criminal purposes.) I chose a Chinese-language newspaper to publish it in because it amused me.) It was 1988, so even in San Francisco, I don't think authorities were especially enlightened about gender. I just said that my father wasn't aware. I also told him I was aware that my name implied a male presence and that that didn't matter to me. He asked why I chose it. I said, "Aesthetics."
firecat
Jan. 9th, 2013 12:14 am (UTC)
Someone clearly was bored that day, and I don't mean you.
graymalkin13
Jan. 9th, 2013 03:25 am (UTC)
Very likely...
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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