In high school, I had a wonderful Latin teacher, a sharp little white-haired lady named Miss Ferguson.

(I took Latin class with Jeffrey Eugenides, who is now a famous author. Teachers rather like Miss Ferguson appear briefly in his books The Virgin Suicides and Middlesex.)

When students got a little too rambunctious in her class, Miss Ferguson would stand up very straight and snap

"Infants!"

It always worked to get our attention—I think the slight absurdity of that word allowed it to slide right in and strike our self-consciousness centers.

I wish I could sic Miss Ferguson on alt.poly right now.

Tags: alt.poly, memory, things that piss me off