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Selkie's people thank you

Thank you quasigeostrophy soaring_phoenix geekchick jinian griffen annaoj queensheba patgreene leduck mama_hogswatch gconnor gloriajn daltong nolly naesa whereisbeck bcholmes cassidyrose mittelweg krasota eeyoreerin hobbitbabe epiphany_69 dawnd jenett saoba lcohen kalmn faeryguinevere femmediva elynne moonvine the_ogre kightp lysana mamatiger djm4 bobbylevi wiseheron quietshell pyrzqxql browngirl pir_anha treacle_well cha diony wandra snickerpussnex0s joedecker grumpywitch beth666ann eve_l_incarnata zebraartist zyxwvut leandra333 porcinea therealjae boxofdelights bastette_joyce kyubi and our parents and others for your condolences, vibes, thoughts, hugs (virtual and in-person), offers of ears and shoulders, heart space, wishes, and "I've been there"s. They have been a great comfort to me and the OH.

Selkie perked up a bit on the prednisone. A few times, she felt playful enough to claw the carpet, or wave her paw at us. Once she climbed up onto my desk to lie in the sun. Whenever we cuddled her, she purred and wanted to rub her cheeks on our hands. But she wouldn't eat, so we knew she was saying "goodbye" and not "I want to stay around after all."

I'm glad we made the decision we did. But it was the hardest thing I've ever done. And it was especially sad at the end because she was scared of the vet and we weren't able to give her the completely peaceful passage that we wanted to. She did let go very fast once the injection started, though. So I like to think that she was only scared the vet would cause her pain, not that he would end her life, and that she's forgiven us.

After she was gone, we scattered her tub of catnip in the backyard. Then (in an hysterical rage) I gathered up most of her things and took them to the animal shelter to give away. The one toy I kept was a piece of plastic netting that's supposed to be for training vines. She loved to hide underneath it.

At the animal shelter I took out a dog named Princess, a mixture of pit bull and English bulldog. She was very quiet and just wanted to rest her cheek on my hand and gaze into my eyes. I think being with her started me thinking that I might heal someday.


( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 12th, 2003 10:14 pm (UTC)

it's a hard thing to do, but sometimes we have to. and i think you know how much Selkie loved you and she's probably very glad you helped the pain and sickness go away. And you're doing just what she wanted, you know. She rubbed your hands with her cheeks so you would remember her. She marked you with her scent and your carpet with her claws. ;) She's a cat, they like to possess, however fleetingly.

Jan. 13th, 2003 08:49 am (UTC)
*hugs* Yes. Thanks.
Jan. 12th, 2003 10:39 pm (UTC)
Princess sounds like good company, just then.
[Gentle hug offered. I've been thinking of you, although I haven't posted.]

I'm sorry about the hard stuff, and the goodbye, and the loss.
I'm really glad Selkie had good people like you.

Go well, Selkie. Say hello to the Torp-cat and Silver and the rest of them.
Jan. 13th, 2003 08:49 am (UTC)
hugback. Thanks.
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 13th, 2003 08:51 am (UTC)
Yes, I miss her a lot, but it's bearable now, and I can remember the good times.

Jan. 12th, 2003 11:14 pm (UTC)
I wasn't sure when to give you this...
But I think now is the right time. This is a poem I wrote three or so years ago for friends who had had to make the hard decision for their kitty. I hope this is appropriate.

Message from a Departed Cat to its Favourite Human Toy

Do not mourn; I am not far away.
If you look up, you'll very likely see
My twitching tail upon the balcony
Or glimpse my glowing eyes beneath the bed;
And if you listen quietly, you'll hear
The sounds of gentle purring. Never fear,
If, when you hear, perhaps you do not see.
Mayhap I'm sleeping in a sunlit ray.
(You know I prowl by night and sleep by day.)
The kitten that you loved is no more, true;
From gangling adolescent cat I grew
Into the feline majesty whose head
Was often tucked into your gentle hand.
How often on your magazine I'd stand
Demanding your complete, unbroken view.
So do not mourn; I am not far away.
And if some night you wake, and if you hear
The purring of a kitten in your ear,
Rest assured, it is my gentle ghost
Giving you comfort when you need it most.
Do not mourn, I am not far away,
My spirit, by your side, will ever stay.

Jan. 13th, 2003 08:53 am (UTC)
Re: I wasn't sure when to give you this...
That's a really beautiful poem. I especially like these lines:
From gangling adolescent cat I grew
Into the feline majesty whose head
Was often tucked into your gentle hand.

Thanks for sharing it with me.

Yes, she's still around. In a way that makes it harder, and in a way easier. Strange.
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 13th, 2003 08:54 am (UTC)
Sam sounds like he was a wonderful companion.
hugs Thanks.
Jan. 13th, 2003 12:56 am (UTC)
*hug* *cuddles Kitten*

They are with us for such a short time, and they fill our lives with love. And when they go, they take a piece of us with them.
Jan. 13th, 2003 08:55 am (UTC)
I'm glad Selkie and I shared so many years together.
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 13th, 2003 08:56 am (UTC)
She was the queen of the house, and she seemed to like it that way.
Jan. 13th, 2003 06:10 am (UTC)

I wish I could think of something useful to say, beyond "my thoughts are with you". I know how hard it is to lose a beloved pet, whether to illness, misadventure or old age.

I hope you find comfort and healing soon. *hugs again*
Jan. 13th, 2003 01:42 pm (UTC)
hugs, and thanks for the thoughts.
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 13th, 2003 01:43 pm (UTC)
hugs - you're right. Thanks
Jan. 13th, 2003 06:58 am (UTC)
It's so HARD...my heart and thoughts are with you...*gentle hugs* (if you want them) and tender thoughts...
Jan. 13th, 2003 01:44 pm (UTC)
hugsback and thanks for caring
Jan. 13th, 2003 07:29 am (UTC)
I know it's not something you can do right away, it took me several months before I did....but I distinctly got the feeling when my silver passed that he would have wanted me to give a home to another cat who needed what I could provide. Many months later I was in a pet store shopping for bird toys and a kitten stuck it's paw through a cage and grabbed my shirt and would not let go. I looked into his big orange eyes (silver had orange eyes too) and could practially see Silver standing beside this little ball of marmalade and cream colored fluff.

We took him home and named him Pyeawacket. That was almost a year ago, and it's been uncanny how he mimics some of silver's behaviour at times when I am down, even though he never knew silver. He's grown into a beautiful big cat and even though I had trouble getting used to him being there and Silver not for a while I don't regret the decision and would do it again in a heartbeat.

Give yourself time, but someday, when you are ready, pass on Selkie's legacy and open your home to someone she would have liked. I don't think she would have wanted you to be lonely or hurting for a long time.
Jan. 13th, 2003 01:46 pm (UTC)
I'm sure you'll understand what I mean when I say I've asked Selkie if she would mind my getting another cat someday. She said "Of course not."
Re: - chorus_of_chaos - Jan. 14th, 2003 07:22 am (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 13th, 2003 08:47 am (UTC)

Good dog, Princess.
Jan. 13th, 2003 01:47 pm (UTC)
Princess was adopted on Friday. I made sure to tell the family what a good dog she was.
Jan. 13th, 2003 12:16 pm (UTC)
When I read the (very lovely) memorial page it made me think of the children's-book-style picture book (text and drawings) I had made many years ago about the life and death of my dog Carmel, who had been hit by a car. I was wondering if I should bring it to the dim sum to show you the part at the end about the passage of time, but wasn't sure whether that would be appropriate, and then on the way to the dim sum remembered that I had never gotten around to putting it into my backpack anyway.

So this is the part I would have showed you:

[Picture of Carmel seriously getting to dance on her own grave, chasing after a butterfly]
"For a long time I didn't want to talk about Carmel. I wanted her to be dancing and playing, not lying broken in a freezer. Her death didn't seem real to me yet, but I knew it would after I had finished telling everyone about it. To tell people would be to kill her in my mind and in the minds of all my friends and family."

[Picture referencing four vignettes from earlier in the book]
"But now that it's been almost fourteen years since Carmel died, things have changed. When I tell people about Carmel now -- like my son, Sam, and other people who like dogs -- it's not to break it to them that she died, but rather to let them know that she lived."

[Picture of me hugging Carmel]
"I still have a million stories to tell about the things Carmel and I did together."

Jan. 13th, 2003 01:49 pm (UTC)
I can relate to all those feelings. I'd like to see the book someday.
Jan. 13th, 2003 05:30 pm (UTC)
Many hugs on Selkie's passing. You did make the right decision, as others have more eloquently pointed out.

I have lost cats, dogs, and a husband...no matter how long you've known the individual, or how old he or she is, the passing of a family member is always difficult. A cat is no less a family member for being feline.

Condolences and sympathy. Please allow yourself the grieving process you need to heal; too many people do not do this, with the death of an animal.
Jan. 13th, 2003 11:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you for your thoughts and wisdom.
Jan. 13th, 2003 10:57 pm (UTC)
I had wanted to stop by to say goodbye to Selkie, but I was really sick last week and didn't make it out of the house one day and barely got out the other.

You and OH have my sympathy on this, as I know how important Selkie was in your lives. *HUG*
Jan. 13th, 2003 11:07 pm (UTC)

Thanks for thinking about visiting Selkie. I was glad that the people who stopped by did so, but it was also very hard on me, so I don't mind that you didn't/couldn't.

I hope you're feeling better.
( 27 comments — Leave a comment )

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