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"Choosing" to be big? Not necessarily.

I don't think most people can subconsciously control their weight for psychological reasons. Scientists have done studies of twins (raised together and apart) and their weight is usually very similar even if they have different lifestyles and had different upbringings. The conclusion to a study like this is that weight has a very large genetic component.

I'm uncomfortable with the notion that most people are subconsciously choosing their weight, because that implies if you are big, there is something wrong with your head.

There are enough people who think there is something wrong with my body because I'm big. I don't really want them to all think there is something wrong with my head too!

Relating it to sexual orientation: At one time I had all sorts of psychological theories about why I couldn't make up my mind whether to be with men or women. Then a smart therapist said "Maybe you're just bi." I realized all my theories were unnecessary -- I didn't have to make a choice.

In other words, having plausible psychological theories about why one is big doesn't necessarily mean that's why one is big. It means that one feels the need to justify being big. That's understandable in a society that believes there is something wrong with being big.

Comments

( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
feline
Apr. 4th, 2001 10:28 am (UTC)
True.

I know I'm uncomfortable when I'm thin. To be honest, I don't like being thin. Even getting down to a 12/14 makes me uncomfortable. It doesn't feel right or like my body for some reason.

I also didn't like the attention I got when I was thin.

"Oh, she's wierd looking and she has a hot body, I bet she puts out."

I still get the wierd looking part, but thankfully no more getting hit on or assumed I'm some sort of sexual toy, well not usually anyhow.

Oh, and welcome to my friends list....
xp85goblin
Apr. 4th, 2001 07:08 pm (UTC)
Being uncomfortable with being a sex object and wanting to be loved wholly for the "inner you" is a part of femininity I will only be able to understand on an intellectual level I am afraid. I wish I had the time/money for muscles, babe magnet toys, etc. Although, I currently don't have time/energy for a relationship either. on't get me wrong, I wouldn't want to be involved with jerk, but I admit to myself that things other than "smart" and "nice" matter. But then the social cost for admitting that is less for a guy (but not by much, I have gotten a few flames for admitting that in mixed company on the 'net)
feline
Apr. 5th, 2001 07:01 am (UTC)
Oh, I agree appearance does matter, but I'm not unattractive either. I'm actually quite striking, even at my weight, but a lot of that has to do with how I carry myself and how my appearance looks.

Nothing more striking than a chunky Native American chick with lots of earrings, purple streaks in her hair, and funkey red and black striped knee socks with an all black outfit...
xp85goblin
Apr. 5th, 2001 02:11 pm (UTC)
Yeah, you were able to pull off a "Cheesecake" photo at that wieght and still look good. It took guts and attitude to do that. And yeah, that is just as important as the standard gauges of appearance.
feline
Apr. 5th, 2001 02:24 pm (UTC)
Thanks....

As for guts and attitude...I think it's more just being comfortable with who I am as a person....

It's taken a lot to get where I am at this stage in my life. I spent a lot of time hating myself and thinking I was some sort of troll who should stay under a bridge. Even when I was some thin chick people drooled over, I had a horrible self image....

I'm not like that anymore. Now I like how I look and I like who I am as a person. Sure, I have flaws, but some does everyone.

As for the "mainstream" standards of beauty...screw 'em... I don't tend to agree with them anyhow...for women or men...

The women they claim as goddesses all too often are too skinny for my taste and the men often look terribly cookie cutter to me...

Then again, I prefer teddy bears as well as soft women....
feline
Apr. 5th, 2001 02:45 pm (UTC)
Was just thinking about this...

The last 4 guys I've dated (keep in mind that I am polyamorous, so while I have been with my hubby for a year and a half there have been other people since I met him) were all ititially attracted to me for the way I look. I've not been a skinny chick in a few years. None of them were "chubby chasers" either. Of all of them, one has been a teddy bear (6'5", 300#), one was a very skinny waifish boi (6', 150#), one was a weight lifter (5'10", 250# of muscle), and there's my husband (5'9", 160#).

So, perhaps the male "standard" isn't quite as people would like it to be. I know my hubby wouldn't want me to be any other way than I currantly am, because what matters to him is I'm happy and he finds me amazingly attractive...

Oh, and I've only ever dated one woman who was skinny...out of the 7 I've gone out with in my life....
xp85goblin
Apr. 5th, 2001 03:19 pm (UTC)
No, I don't think males are /quite/ as sterotyped and predictable as Hollywood types seem to think they are. Intangibles matter, although those intangibles aren't often any warmer and fuzzier than the better documented superficial stuff.
firecat
Apr. 4th, 2001 10:04 pm (UTC)
I wasn't all that uncomfortable at size 14 (a long time ago) but I do like the "twit filter" aspect of being larger.

Thanks, and likewise!
feline
Apr. 5th, 2001 07:04 am (UTC)
True on the twit filter, but I have to admit I still get a few of them (maybe one or two a day). Now, they think I'm desperate, not just easy...
firecat
Apr. 5th, 2001 08:47 am (UTC)
How annoying.

Part of my twit filter is not dressing or carrying myself in a manner that attracts attention from strangers.

(Which is certainly not intended to be advice for you not to. I like it when people do! [Especially cute big chicks] It's just not particularly how I'm "wired", and it has advantages.)
feline
Apr. 5th, 2001 09:21 am (UTC)
I attract all kinds of attention from strangers. I used to try to do the blending in thing for a bit, but it didn't work. People still looked at me strangely.

I figured I may as well just give in and look strange and get it over with so they at least had a decent reason and I was having more fun.

Oh, and I'd notice you. I liked the pic I saw of you with the buzzed hair...heheh...you're cute...
firecat
Apr. 5th, 2001 09:29 am (UTC)
blush!

Thanks!

Yes, people notice me when I have buzzed hair, but it's more the "staring" kind of noticing than the "hitting on" kind of noticing.
feline
Apr. 5th, 2001 09:39 am (UTC)
hehe. I have a thing for women with buzzed hair....

I tells me they have guts...and confidence is a big attraction for me...that and a sense of humor go a very long way...
(no subject) - firecat - Apr. 5th, 2001 09:50 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - feline - Apr. 5th, 2001 09:55 am (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - feline - Apr. 5th, 2001 10:37 am (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - feline - Apr. 5th, 2001 11:31 am (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - xp85goblin - Apr. 5th, 2001 02:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - xp85goblin - Apr. 6th, 2001 03:51 am (UTC) - Expand
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xp85goblin
Apr. 4th, 2001 07:23 pm (UTC)
I have seen cases that suggest willpower and cases that suggest genetics. Some people will be big eating nothing but rice cakes. Some people just can't stay out of donut shops. (whether that is genetic or not is a loaded question). There have been studies that show willpower can be learned. Admittedly it takes small steps taken over years. Aaand, if you have a big-on-ricecakes body, I would suggest spending the willpower ones finances or in the social arena....all that self-torture won't do much good.
As to sexuality...I am not sure to what extent one "chooses" one's sexuality anyway. I second-guess myself as to whether I am too hung up on looks and the sensory aspects of sex (It doesn't fit the image I have of myself as a sensitive, caring, spiritual and thoughtful guy)....but it is a waste of guilt as I can no more change it than fly. So if one likes MOTSS or MOTOS, or something rather socially unacceptable no matter how liberal and understanding you are, I am not sure how much of that reflects on one's whole person. One lives with the sexuality one is given, either gracefully, with some sense of ethics or by just wallowing (if one is able) with no thought for others. But I don't think anyone can change or choose the basic direction thier sexuality's arrow points (ladies, pardon the semi-phallic metaphor)
(Anonymous)
May. 10th, 2001 09:42 am (UTC)
memorie
I think all men should think with their little head. cause the all do. Men just would't be men if they did'nt
( 33 comments — Leave a comment )

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