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(T.S. Eliot)

I'm reproducing a comment I made in lovenadlight's journal, here:

I was desperate (in a depressed, "this life isn't worth living" way) over the summer because of a health condition. I managed to fix it, but I wouldn't say it was optional in the sense that it was about a story I was telling myself that I could change at will. I wasn't able to just snap out of it with application of the proper workshop or talk therapy. In fact, that was precisely why I knew it was a health condition, because I can usually change my mood at least a little bit by changing my way of thinking and/or my habitual behavior.

I did learn something from that, though, which I can apply now that I'm out of the desperation part: when desperate (which means "without hope,") go ahead and be desperate, and simply move one slow step at a time in a direction that looks like it'll be different from where you are now. Why not - you're without hope, so you have nothing important to lose.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 6th, 2003 02:07 pm (UTC)
Well said. I need meds for my depression too. Over the summer, the antidepression part of my meds stopped working, although the antianxiety part was still sort of working. So the direction I was plodding in was "toward figuring out whether any other meds or other treatments might make a difference." (Which, fortunately, some things did.)

Nothing will make me complete, but having certain things in my life on a regular basis tends to increase my satisfaction. It helps that so far there are a number of different ways for me to put together a satisfying mix, so I'm not dependent on one single thing that I might lose.
Mar. 6th, 2003 11:43 am (UTC)
Oh boy oh boy oh boy. You just described an awful lot of moments (with some moments lasting weeks at a time) I've had/ I have.
Mar. 6th, 2003 12:34 pm (UTC)
I'm down with that. Especially the "go ahead and be", which, as you know, Bob, I struggle with. Often. Publicly. Sometimes I wonder if I don't find it easier just to be with negative emotions than with positive.

Staring into the abyss (thanks to Graydon and assorted snigglers) a decade ago was really my first foray into (the eternal conflict between) being vs. doing. I think.
Mar. 6th, 2003 02:11 pm (UTC)
I find it easier to be with emotions in small doses than with lots of emotions. My ideal emotional mix is like one of those floating necklaces strung on clear nylon thread. Maybe 3/4 "clear" to 1/4 "strong feelings".

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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