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via eve_l_incarnata:
Quote of the Day - Relationship

"Don't buy a puppy if you can't feed it. Don't start a relationship if you can't be yourself and give your very all." ---Ana Johnson

I think what I especially relate to in this statement is the relationship/puppy analogy.

I know a lot of folks feel that temporary relationships are worthwhile, and I agree if all parties want them to be temporary, but I'm uncomfortable with starting a relationship as a way of "trying on" someone to see if they're compatible, and then throwing away the relationship if they're not. It does feel to me like abandoning something that's alive and can't take care of itself (not the person, but the relationship).

Define "starting a relationship" in the above as whatever you might consider to be an act or set of acts that would create a desire for mutual commitment.

(Note: This is not an attempt at indirect communication with anybody.)

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
ex_serenejo
May. 6th, 2003 10:56 am (UTC)
"I agree with this entry."

(Note: This is not an attempt at indirect communication with anybody.)

And you rock in so many ways.
red_frog
May. 6th, 2003 11:23 am (UTC)
All relationships are temporary--some just last longer than others. My "either you break up or somebody dies" philosophy is not of recent origin.

Generally speaking, I agree with you. I've been giving a lot of thought to this lately since acquiring my whateverI'mcallinghim. I think it very unlikely that we will marry or equivalent and walk off into the sunset together. I don't think that he expects that either. (It's far too soon to ask and I see no reason to.) However, I have responsibilities to him and I care quite a bit about him, and even should we stop sleeping together I'll still care and still have some of those responsibilities--if for no other reason than that we work together and I'm partially responsible for keeping him on track. Those personal and professional responsibilities are among the reasons why I was verrry careful about starting things.

I used to be more careless of relationships than I am now. I would not start a relationship now unless I were confident that I could sustain it at some level should the sexual part end, which means not only being sure of my motives but also being pretty sure of what I was getting into and who my partner was. I just don't see the point.
janetmiles
May. 6th, 2003 11:52 am (UTC)
When I was actively dating, I went into *all* my relationships by saying something like (not all in one expository lump, mind you, but over the course of the conversation), "I'm not looking for anything permanent, or even necessarily long-term. We're friends now, and I'd enjoy dating you, but it's not going to lead to anything, and I'd like to still be friends once we stop dating. Does that sound reasonable to you? If you're not comfortable with that, then let's just stick with 'friends' and not date, okay?"

I suppose this could be wedged into your analogy by likening it to fostering a puppy for a while until it found a permanent home :-).
femery
May. 6th, 2003 11:54 am (UTC)
Ah Stef ... thoughts along these lines are very
important IMHO.

If one uses the quote as a guideline, it smooths
the path on many levels to possibly grow and
nurture a friendship along ... especially in
the trust department. Also, if and when, and
for whatever reason the relationship may change,
it gives evidence that your intentions were sincere
and considerate in the first place ... and pave
the road for an easier closure/change with less
emotional trials for all parties involved.

People can be more vunerable than you suspect ...
and sometimes so very precious.


Diane
mactavish
May. 17th, 2003 12:25 pm (UTC)
I understand that many relationships are temporary, but if I know for sure it will be, I probably won't bother, aside from knowing that some day, someone might die or go away.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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