Stef (firecat) wrote,

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I confess...

I have a problem with people who are emotionally extravagant.

(I consider this my problem and not theirs.)

I wonder why.
Is it because I wanted to be that way myself and had my emotional extravagance suppressed somewhere along the way?
(I do remember having occasional bouts of emotional extravagance suppressed when I was a teenager, but I don't remember wanting to be that way as a general rule.) ( I also remember learning that I had to be invisible in order not to attract tormenting from other kids. Maybe that was a form of suppression that I still resent now.)
Is it because I have a problem with all extravagance?
(I do have a problem with many, but not all, kinds of extravagance. But not to the same extent as emotional extravagance. Material extravagance sometimes fascinates me and sometimes makes me roll my eyes and sometimes bothers me on an intellectual level because of the unfair distribution of resources it implies. Emotional extravagance offends me personally.)
Is it because I think it uses up limited emotional resources?
(Yes, this is definitely part of it. But emotional resources, while finite, are not finite in the same zero-sum way that physical resources are. So I think this belief is based on some inaccuracies.)
There are elements of jealousy and envy in this problem.
Based on my understanding of the way my jealousy and envy works:
--The jealousy means that I believe I deserve something and someone is taking it away from me, so I want to erase them.
Do I believe I deserve not to have to witness or deal with people's emotional extravagance? (Yes.) Do I believe I deserve to be emotionally extravagant myself, only I can't because other people have taken it away from me? (Yes.)
--The envy means that I want (as opposed to "deserve") to be emotionally extravagant and feel that others have appropriated all the resources.

Disclaimer: Not a roundabout way of being catty, or an attempt at indirect communication with anybody

Do you have any confessions to make today?
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