November 10th, 2001

red panda eating bamboo

I remember. I hope.

(also posted to alt.polyamory)



At 11:00 am PST/2:00 pm EST, OH and I lit our candle to remember Liam (banesidhe).

OH's cousin and his girlfriend made the candle for us. It has our logo it, the logo that OH's cousin made for our wedding.

The picture was taken on 9/11. The candle had burned down about three inches by then. I began burning it on and off soon after my sweetie "E" left zir spouse and zir partners at the beginning of July.

The candle has now burned down another four inches.

It is funny-strange that so many sorrows and fears and losses, large and small, temporary and permanent, are represented thus, by a few inches of waxy film left clinging to the glass.

I light the candle when I am sad or afraid or lossful.
I light it to pray,
Although I am not sure what or whom I am praying to:
To pray that bad times will get better.
To pray that bad things will go away.
I light it to remember:
To remember good things lost or changed.
To remember better times.
I light it because I hope. Because I can't stop hoping.