May 9th, 2006

too much coffee man

My Civic Duty, by firecat, age 4 (and 4 decades)

A month ago or so: You are summoned for Jury Duty at the superior court, 17 miles from your house, at 12:45pm. Please check the day before to see if you are needed.

Yesterday: You are needed for Jury Duty. Your reporting time has changed. You must report at 9am. Please come 30 minutes early to pass the security checkpoint.

8:30 am: Welcome to Jury Duty during Juror Appreciation Week! Here's your free pen. Help yourself to Cheezits, pretzels, granola bars, and instant coffee and tea.

9:00 am: We're sorry that the hot water tap on the water cooler isn't working. We're sorry that the room is so crowded. Oh, there's also a power outage in parts of the courtroom. That means the computers aren't working. That means we can't process your affidavit forms or assign you to courtrooms. But they're working on it, so you can't leave. We're sorry that the bathrooms have no lights and there's no air conditioning either. But we do happen to have power to this TV, so we can to show this video about how fun Jury Duty is. Thank you for serving.

We pay $15 plus 34 cents a mile, but payment starts on the second day, so thank you for your contribution today (yes, she really said that). This is Juror Appreciation Week!

10:15 am: There's a fire in the building. Please leave the building immediately and stand in the parking lot in the hot sun for 45 minutes.

11:00 am: You're dismissed. Thank you for showing up. You won't have to do Jury Duty for another year. If you need an excuse for work, you can't have one, because our computers aren't working, so we can't process your affidavit forms or issue you excuses. But trust us, you won't have to serve for another year.