Stef (firecat) wrote,

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Healing happens.

I am so grateful to everyone who took the time to send me sympathy/good wishes/words of wisdom about Silver. I still feel sad and a bit broody whenever I have a few moments with nothing to do but think, but I feel much better than I did on Monday.

Some things I've done the past couple of days:


Went for a walk with Dad and Fritzie (my folks' Miniature Schnauzer), talked to Mom. Mom did not really understand why I was so upset, and paradoxically I found that comforting.

Met Oc at D&J's house -- D also showed up, and it was really nice to see her again. (I have a bit of a crush on her.) Oc cried a little when I told her about Silver but then firmly put the subject aside for the rest of the day. We walked around Stow Lake, hung out for a while in 9th Avenue Books, then met Oc's girlfriend JD at her apartment and walked to Cafe Flore for dinner. It was a really enjoyable evening.


Woke up at 5:30 am feeling sad. Ended up thinking of the Kuan Yin mantra that I found in elynne's journal ("when I face the mountain of knives, the mountain of knives of itself breaks up") and a catch-phrase in a book about mourning I was skimming at 9th Avenue Books yesterday. (Unfortunately didn't write down title/author.) They said that what a person feels during mourning shouldn't be considered "guilt," unless the person actively wished to harm the lost one. Instead, it should be considered a wish that things had been "more, better, different." So I repeated "more, better, different" in my head. And between those, I got back to sleep.

I went to the animal shelter for doggie-training class. To comfort myself I played with three gray tabby kittens. (I usually don't play with kittens much at the shelter, because they get more than their share of attention already, but I'm going to be doing it more for a while.) My dog was supposedly a Jack Russell Terrier, but rather big for that, and with "bulldog shaped" hips. He was an old mellow dog mostly. But it was very cute to see what happened when one of his kennel mates appeared -- a teeny weeny toy spaniel type thing. He repeatedly assumed a play bow and then leaped into the air -- and he did it all in a sort of slow motion.

After class, I played with a white cat who had yellow eyes. His name was Sparky.

I was exhausted when I came home and took a 2-hour nap. Then OH took me to Salvatore's. I had a really yummy salad and fusilli with an excellent neopolitan sauce.

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