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I remember. I hope.

(also posted to alt.polyamory)



At 11:00 am PST/2:00 pm EST, OH and I lit our candle to remember Liam (banesidhe).

OH's cousin and his girlfriend made the candle for us. It has our logo it, the logo that OH's cousin made for our wedding.

The picture was taken on 9/11. The candle had burned down about three inches by then. I began burning it on and off soon after my sweetie "E" left zir spouse and zir partners at the beginning of July.

The candle has now burned down another four inches.

It is funny-strange that so many sorrows and fears and losses, large and small, temporary and permanent, are represented thus, by a few inches of waxy film left clinging to the glass.

I light the candle when I am sad or afraid or lossful.
I light it to pray,
Although I am not sure what or whom I am praying to:
To pray that bad times will get better.
To pray that bad things will go away.
I light it to remember:
To remember good things lost or changed.
To remember better times.
I light it because I hope. Because I can't stop hoping.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
hopeforyou
Nov. 10th, 2001 03:02 pm (UTC)
Thank you for writing this...it was beautifully written and choked me up a bit. rosefox and banesidhe and many others are in my thoughts this weekend. I hope they may find peace, wherever they are.
kshandra
Nov. 11th, 2001 10:20 pm (UTC)
The service was beautiful, and very right. rosefox and fimbrethil will, I'm sure, have more to say when they're ready; I'm just glad I was able to be here for it.

Some of us went to Ground Zero after the service.... It was already twilight, so you couldn't see as much as you might have earlier in the day, but the worklights shone through the smoke that continues to rise from the site, giving it what I found to be an oddly tranquil look.

Thank you for your candle, and your hope. Never stop.
firecat
Nov. 11th, 2001 10:30 pm (UTC)
Thanks for that glimpse into what you did.

Still smoke? Wow.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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