Stef (firecat) wrote,

firecat belatedly answers some more questions

When I can't think of anything good to ask, I go look at people's
interests and recent posts and see if there's anything inspiring. And
there is! Why is "textures" on your interests list? What is a thing
you've run across that had a really interesting texture? What is a thing
that had a really surprising texture?

The sense of touch means a lot to me. I enjoy being able to identify familiar things by their shape and texture. I like the textures of hair and fur — endlessly varied textures. My two cats have fur with completely different textures. Bird feathers (on live birds) have a surprisingly springy and light texture. I'm kind of fascinated by artificial microfiber, which can be made into yarn or fabric that's so soft you can barely feel it. The different textures that skin develops as a person ages are really interesting.

How/when did you come to understand that you were poly?

When I began having romantic relationships, I never seemed to be exclusively attracted to any one person, even if I really cared about them. I tended to think that this was because I "hadn't settled down yet," although I also semi-suspected that I would never develop a natural inclination toward monogamy and would just have to make do with acting monogamous.

More or less simultaneously with meeting someone I wanted to be partners with for life, I discovered the poly community. So the OH and I decided to be poly.

When we began actually trying to live that way, though, we ran into issues. For a while I paradoxically thought of myself as monogamous even though I was involved with multiple people, because I felt incapable of handling the OH's interest in other women.

We were seeing a counselor at this point. I realized I had to make up my mind whether or not I would accept a mutually poly relationship. I did a shamanic journey and the message I got was that I had to be poly because it was part of my spiritual purpose. That worked because it took the thing out of the realm of "I'm just doing it to please a man" and made it something I was doing for me.

After making that commitment, we engaged in a lot of talking with ourselves and the counselor, and some trial and error, and we figured out ways we could do poly that would work for both of us. At that point I began to think of myself as poly, although for a while I said I was a "poly/mono switch."

At this point, I think I'm poly. If all my partners vanished, I could probably make a go at some kind of sexually monogamous relationship, but it would have to leave room for me to openly love others in non-sexual ways.

Ask me stuff
  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded