This article was linked in a flocked post on my flist and I decided to bitch about it here rather than spewing venom all over my friend's LJ.
"Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-the-smartest-people-h_b_169939.html
First off, I know plenty of smart people who have no trouble dating. The fact that there is a stereotype of a certain kind of smart person having trouble dating does not mean that all smart people therefore have trouble dating.
precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus
If college students have trouble dating, it probably has a lot more to do with their being young, without much social experience, and trying to negotiate a culture different from what they're used to, than it has to do with their being smart.
Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex.
I am laughing my butch kitty ass off here. I mean, I suppose it might be true at a gross statistical level, but I know so many people who are so far from conventionally feminine or conventionally masculine who have no trouble finding partners.
And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor. [...] Actually, just stop thinking altogether.
Telling people to find dates by getting drunk and not thinking is a great way to help them get STDs and unwanted pregnancies, too.
Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. [...] Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants.
Hey, I'm a woman over 40 and I've neither been (legally) married nor been killed by a terrorist! I must be some kind of miracle.
I care a lot that my partners are in the same general intelligence range as me, and it's very important to me that my partners appreciate me in part for my intelligence. But I've known plenty of smart people who don't care about either of those things.
Starting when I was in my teens, I was convinced that I was so odd and had such specialized requirements in a partner that I would never find a partner. Even though I have three long-term partners right now, and have been with other people who were good partners for me, on some level I still believe this. Silly, huh?
"Why The Smartest People Have The Toughest Time Dating"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-the-smartest-people-h_b_169939.html
First off, I know plenty of smart people who have no trouble dating. The fact that there is a stereotype of a certain kind of smart person having trouble dating does not mean that all smart people therefore have trouble dating.
precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus
If college students have trouble dating, it probably has a lot more to do with their being young, without much social experience, and trying to negotiate a culture different from what they're used to, than it has to do with their being smart.
Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex.
I am laughing my butch kitty ass off here. I mean, I suppose it might be true at a gross statistical level, but I know so many people who are so far from conventionally feminine or conventionally masculine who have no trouble finding partners.
And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor. [...] Actually, just stop thinking altogether.
Telling people to find dates by getting drunk and not thinking is a great way to help them get STDs and unwanted pregnancies, too.
Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. [...] Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants.
Hey, I'm a woman over 40 and I've neither been (legally) married nor been killed by a terrorist! I must be some kind of miracle.
I care a lot that my partners are in the same general intelligence range as me, and it's very important to me that my partners appreciate me in part for my intelligence. But I've known plenty of smart people who don't care about either of those things.
Starting when I was in my teens, I was convinced that I was so odd and had such specialized requirements in a partner that I would never find a partner. Even though I have three long-term partners right now, and have been with other people who were good partners for me, on some level I still believe this. Silly, huh?
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Tangent: On my sock puppet FB account, sometimes "friends" put up profile pix that aren't really pix of them. Sometimes I see a profile picture of a fat person wearing unusual clothes. If I think it is a real profile picture, I feel happy, but then I remember it might be mockery and then I get sad.
If FSM forbid I ever find myself without a partner again, I expect I will start thinking of the entire last 18 (or however many) years of my life as a fluke.
Stupid lizard brains.
Because having a partner who bores me stupid is such a better option than being single, I guess.
I really TRIED to be more femmy but I CAN'T. And? Neither my husband (16+ years) nor my boyfriend (1.6 years) CARE.
Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. [...] Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants.
Uhm, you mean you can't date other smart people?
I can only really manage one primary relationship, and one secondary. That's two relationships total. There are, let's say, six billion people in the world. Might be seven billion. Dunno. Let's say six billion, for now.
Heck, let's pretend I could actually manage six relationships, like I briefly did in college once (oddly, the semester just before I flunked out. But let's not go there).
So I'm looking for 6 out of 6 billion. One in a billion. I can safely eliminate 99.99999999% of the world's population as potential mates. I mean, how many mates do I really NEED? 95%? I think most people are going to have to eliminate more than 95% of the world's population as potential mates. I mean, who can really manage 300,000,000 mates? Even King Solomon only had 700 wives and 300 concubines.
I mean - even aside from the "smart vs. instinctive" false dichotomy (and the underlying assumption that abandoning oneself to instinctive impulse is the only real way to make erotic connections with people), the unexamined conventionalism is just... ick!
"Or [maybe you] never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman. Or your sexual aggression as a male." That's such a cookie-cutter view of intimacy!
Come to think of it, I believe my most recent heterosexual encounter was more a matter of my "sensuality" and her "sexual aggression" than the reverse. :)
That particular quote drove me crazy too.
oddly enough, exhibiting "sexual aggression" (if "I'm attracted to you" counts as aggressive) has gotten me laid more often than exhibiting "sensuality" (whatever that is supposed to be).
Fine by me. I do much better with unsuitable companions.
Of course, I don't appear to exist in his world, not just because I'm a smart woman with good, long-term partners, but because I don't consider "of the opposite sex" to be a relevant characteristic in actual or potential partners.
I am laughing my butch kitty ass off here. I mean, I suppose it might be true at a gross statistical level, but I know so many people who are so far from conventionally feminine or conventionally masculine who have no trouble finding partners.
Well, it's actually true that you must "convey femininity or masculinity." What the author doesn't get is that there are a lot of ways of being feminine or masculine, beyond stereotypical cheerleaders and jocks.
And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor. [...] Actually, just stop thinking altogether.
Telling people to find dates by getting drunk and not thinking is a great way to help them get STDs and unwanted pregnancies, too.
... heartbreaks, fights, etc. ... yep.
Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. [...] Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants.
... and it's not like you could find a smart person of the opposite sex in an Ivy League College ...???
It is?