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Sad stuff

OH and his partner he's been with the longest (a few months longer than me) broke up today.

He is doing OK but I'm sure he would appreciate condolences, good wishes, etc., from those who aren't busy siding with his ex.

Here's what he posted about it.

Well, as of 2pm PDT, Thu 6 Jun 2002, my 10+ year relationship with RA is over. Much of it was good while it lasted, but we've also had various problems through much of the relationship, and now we're too exhausted. We've been broken up once before, but I'd have to say it's extremely unlikely that we'll try again.

I don't think it makes much sense to talk about blame, and to the extent that it does, we've certainly both been at fault. We're not going to be friends, but we will at least try to be civil -- with our various shared communities, there's no way we can completely avoid each other.

Comments

( 32 comments — Leave a comment )
mactavish
Jun. 6th, 2002 11:24 pm (UTC)
I don't understand the "taking sides" thing.
firecat
Jun. 6th, 2002 11:32 pm (UTC)
I could be wrong, but I suspect that some people think one of the parties is more to blame than the other.
(no subject) - leandra333 - Jun. 7th, 2002 08:34 am (UTC) - Expand
no blame - firecat - Jun. 7th, 2002 08:36 am (UTC) - Expand
baxil
Jun. 6th, 2002 11:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the heads-up.
firecat
Jun. 7th, 2002 08:23 am (UTC)
I know OH appreciated the opportunity to talk with you about relationship stuff at the con.
kshandra
Jun. 7th, 2002 03:43 am (UTC)
My condolences to everyone. Enough of your respective relationship webs are local that I can imagine it might be awkward for all involved for a while....
firecat
Jun. 7th, 2002 08:25 am (UTC)
Thanks
Yeah, I'm feeling like I should drop out of all those webs, which I know is an overreaction. (Not sure where it is coming from -- I guess from my old habit of compartmentalizing relationships.)
treacle_well
Jun. 7th, 2002 04:51 am (UTC)
I'm sad too, and plan to send something along to your OH, but I may delay a bit because I am terrible about that sort of thing. Yeah, there are the standard things that people say--a simple "my condolences," but they often feel empty--a cardboard facade that doesn't really say what I feel. But, I think I'm coming to realize that it's good to say something--to say that you cared about what happened even if doesn't touch one personally and deeply. And though I know OH just a little, and RA hardly at all, I do care and imagine it must feel crappy for them.
firecat
Jun. 7th, 2002 08:28 am (UTC)
Thanks
When I have been sad, a simple "my condolences" from someone, especially someone I don't know all that well, has meant worlds to me. It really can convey feelings, to me anyway. I think it's partly because even something that small takes a certain amount of effort to do in a world where there's too much input and too much sadness all the time.
wcg
Jun. 7th, 2002 05:24 am (UTC)
I'll send him a note in just a bit, once I pull up a.p. and grab the post. But in the meantime, it occurs to me that this process has had some spillover to you. So I shall wish you all good things over the next days and weeks.
firecat
Jun. 7th, 2002 08:31 am (UTC)
Thanks
Yes, it's had some spillover, especially because I've been angsting over where I fit in to local social circles and this adds more fuel. (Which feels pretty petty in comparison to what OH and RA are going through, but , eh, one doesn't always get to choose what one angsts about.)

So your wishes will be put to use, thanks.
Add my good wishes... - the_ogre - Jun. 7th, 2002 09:19 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Add my good wishes... - firecat - Jun. 7th, 2002 09:39 am (UTC) - Expand
Social circle angst - rmjwell - Jun. 7th, 2002 11:41 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Social circle angst - johno - Jun. 7th, 2002 12:07 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Social circle angst - firecat - Jun. 7th, 2002 03:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Social circle angst - rmjwell - Jun. 7th, 2002 03:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Social circle angst - firecat - Jun. 7th, 2002 03:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Social circle angst - rmjwell - Jun. 7th, 2002 04:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
Web crap - firecat - Jun. 8th, 2002 09:15 am (UTC) - Expand
naesa
Jun. 7th, 2002 05:29 am (UTC)
I don't know how to get in touch with him, so please convey my good wishs and, (hugs) if he wants them. I hope that it hurts less soon, and that they do achieve civilness, at the least.
firecat
Jun. 7th, 2002 08:32 am (UTC)
Wishes and hug-offers conveyed. Thanks!
(no subject) - johno - Jun. 7th, 2002 11:06 am (UTC) - Expand
Thankyew - firecat - Jun. 7th, 2002 11:36 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
firecat
Jun. 7th, 2002 08:34 am (UTC)
Re: Saw and sorry
Thanks much. I'm glad RA had some support too.
lcohen
Jun. 7th, 2002 08:35 am (UTC)
i don't know any of the people involved, afaik, but please convey my condolences. ten years is a lot of shared time, a lot of life memories that the other person is the other holder of, if that makes any sense? i hope that both their hearts heal.
firecat
Jun. 7th, 2002 08:43 am (UTC)
Thanks
condolences and hopes conveyed. and yes, that makes sense.
figmo
Jun. 7th, 2002 02:30 pm (UTC)
Stunned.
I had no clue they were on the verge of splitting up at Baycon.

Thank you so much for the heads-up, especially with Westercon coming up.

Many hugs to OH and RA for me. I've known them both a long time and value their friendships.
firecat
Jun. 7th, 2002 03:44 pm (UTC)
Re: Stunned.
Hugs passed on to OH with thanks.
baratron
Jun. 7th, 2002 06:14 pm (UTC)
I wonder if my post here would be helpful to you?

*hugs* & good thoughts
firecat
Jun. 7th, 2002 06:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
I read that thread a few days ago. I'm sorry that there's sadness in your poly web too. *hugs* & good thoughts returned
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )

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