I think a lot of commentary on this subject minimizes what kids are able to perceive and understand about adults. Three possibilities I think of immediately: (1) Kids know what stresses their parents face and don't want to add to it; kids can be very protective. (2) Kids fear what their parents might do. (3) Kids see that their parents are treated badly by the world, and have no reason to believe that the parent can protect the child when they can't protect themselves.

Bullying of kids often seems to be approached as a discrete problem, unrelated to the rest of life--even of the bullied kids' lives.

My parents told me to fight back against bullies. I did get in a couple fights in middle school, because things escalated. I'm a terrible fighter and I was small until I hit puberty, but my basic strategy was to keep kicking back until the other girl stopped. After the fights, they stopped picking on me so much.

But I did stop telling my parents, because they didn't do anything. And I think your response above falls in that same category.

With my own kids, I'm a fierce defender and I have no problem calling talking to the teacher or even the principal and I've even talked to the child's parents.

OTOH I think sometimes my kids don't tell me things, because they don't want Mama Bear getting all riled up.

that was what i did for years and years.

i had no way of dealing with the culture of bullying at my school, and at the time, home was not much better for me. i won't go into it, but i have been pregnant more than once, but never felt safe to go full term. and i think things could have been different for me if i hadn't developed this armoured persona. i think i have rather dropped it away now. being ill makes you vulnerable in a way that makes you strong. but i am also quite old as well, with it. i wish i could retrospectively use what i have learned, but of course i cannot. only use it now. which some people never get to.

That particular reason hasn't ever explicitly been on my list, but it should have been. It's an important thing for prospective parents to think about.

it came as a massive surprise to me.

I think of what I call "Kid Code" which is basically - don't bring in outsiders (i.e. adults) no matter what. It's just this weird thing most kids do - don't tell even on your worst enemies, etc.

My mom has always also been a friend, and so I would actually come home and vent to her about how I was treated at school. But any time she offered to take any action of any kind, I was adamant that she NOT. Which I think a lot of kids do, too. There's this recognition that talking to the adults in the school will simply get the bullies into temporary trouble, making the bullying worse and even longer lasting. So it feels safer, somehow, to just let it go.

The school system I was a part of was very abusive and dysfunctional itself, so it's hard to imagine anything my mom could have actually done - save taking me out of the school system, which I didn't want because I did also have friends there and activities I was a part of, etc.

I'm glad it's become a thing now that schools and parents are talking about and taking seriously. Because, imo, that's the only way change can happen. The whole culture has to change to stop accommodating bullying as something normal and natural. No single policy or act alone can do much otherwise.

20 years ago when I was in HS, it was seen as, well, "kids are mean to one another, what can we do?" *SHRUG* - even by the few teachers in my school who did seem to dislike it. I feel like now, at least, there are more resources available to show that what's happening is Wrong and Should be stopped - even if it seems impossible to actually stop it.

User mdlbear referenced to your post from Done yesterday (20110325 Fr) saying: [...] over to Google. We've been working together for 10 years. @ the cat & dragon rag - Bullying [...]

Note: When I clicked on that link, I was immediately presented with a full-screen "overlay" ad DEMANDING that I download Google Chrome -- as in, there was NO way to close the ad without clicking on the download icon. So I couldn't read the article at all; fortunately, I was able to page back.

"...to be quiet and hide in plain sight..." as one strategy I learned well, and deployed often, and very much. You haven't seen it, but it's in my toolchest, and still comes out often, in appropriate context.

I also learned a considerable variety of techniques, and responses.

A meta response was to learn a considerable variety of techniques, and responses.

And to experiment with them.

One was to talk fast and be funny, and distract the bully so that while they were laughing, I'd vanish in a puff of smoke.

That was for bullies.

The rest of my answer would run long.

Relying on my parents wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind. Consulting my parents wasn't even a thought.

I was an immensely independent child, of necessity, and will.

But then we'd get into autobiography, and all the rest is commentary.