This article discusses why children who are bullied sometimes don't discuss it with adults.
http://www.livescience.com/8994-bully-victims-suffer-silence.html
I did mention to my parents sometimes that other kids bullied me. Their response was "Ignore it, and they'll get bored and stop." I figured that this meant "We don't want to hear about it, because we don't know what to do to stop it." (This reason isn't on the list of reasons in the article.)
So I stopped talking to them about it and I pretended to ignore the bullying and to some extent I think this strategy prevented the bullying from escalating past name-calling, although it didn't stop it.
I also developed another strategy, which was essentially to be quiet and hide in plain sight. This got so ingrained that I find it difficult to turn off, which causes me problems at times.
This entry was originally posted at http://firecat.dreamwidth.org/705751.html, where there are
comments.
http://www.livescience.com/8994-bully-victims-suffer-silence.html
I did mention to my parents sometimes that other kids bullied me. Their response was "Ignore it, and they'll get bored and stop." I figured that this meant "We don't want to hear about it, because we don't know what to do to stop it." (This reason isn't on the list of reasons in the article.)
So I stopped talking to them about it and I pretended to ignore the bullying and to some extent I think this strategy prevented the bullying from escalating past name-calling, although it didn't stop it.
I also developed another strategy, which was essentially to be quiet and hide in plain sight. This got so ingrained that I find it difficult to turn off, which causes me problems at times.
This entry was originally posted at http://firecat.dreamwidth.org/705751.html, where there are
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Comments
Bullying of kids often seems to be approached as a discrete problem, unrelated to the rest of life--even of the bullied kids' lives.
I am so sad that happened to you.
But I did stop telling my parents, because they didn't do anything. And I think your response above falls in that same category.
With my own kids, I'm a fierce defender and I have no problem calling talking to the teacher or even the principal and I've even talked to the child's parents.
OTOH I think sometimes my kids don't tell me things, because they don't want Mama Bear getting all riled up.
i had no way of dealing with the culture of bullying at my school, and at the time, home was not much better for me. i won't go into it, but i have been pregnant more than once, but never felt safe to go full term. and i think things could have been different for me if i hadn't developed this armoured persona. i think i have rather dropped it away now. being ill makes you vulnerable in a way that makes you strong. but i am also quite old as well, with it. i wish i could retrospectively use what i have learned, but of course i cannot. only use it now. which some people never get to.
That's a really profound thing to think about.
Yes. I hope it does.
I also learned a considerable variety of techniques, and responses.
A meta response was to learn a considerable variety of techniques, and responses.
And to experiment with them.
One was to talk fast and be funny, and distract the bully so that while they were laughing, I'd vanish in a puff of smoke.
That was for bullies.
The rest of my answer would run long.
Relying on my parents wasn't even a thought that crossed my mind. Consulting my parents wasn't even a thought.
I was an immensely independent child, of necessity, and will.
But then we'd get into autobiography, and all the rest is commentary.