This post is about emotional policing in Buddhist communities, and it also makes reference to the tone argument, because of course emotional policing occurs in a lot of communities that aren't Buddhist communities too. It applies psychology theory to get at what's behind emotional policing (it's a tool of various kinds of defense mechanisms) and also discusses some of the socio-cultural aspects of tone-policing ("privilege and entitlement"..."overvaluation of positivity"...power dynamics).

Before I start quoting I want to say that I found a lot of useful stuff in this article that helps me define my own choices about speech, but I am by no means intending to "point it at" anyone.

http://enlightenmentward.wordpress.com/2013/02/28/emotional-policing/

Emotional policing as is meant here, is usually done by strangers in a drive-by fashion on the Internet and occasionally even in person in a social setting. They’ve generally never interacted with the person on the blog, twitter or whatever, never tried to have a conversation with them nor are they likely very familiar with the body of work the writer has put out. ...“Buddhists are supposed to be compassionate." “If you can’t control your words better then you’re a Bad Buddhist.”...“I thought Buddhists were supposed to be serene.”
...
The more people escape into “positivity” the more suffering is borne by those who cannot access that escape mechanism.

The post also goes into "How to stop emotionally policing people" and "How [to] deal with being emotionally policed (this all depends upon the circumstances)".</blockquote>

Finally the post links to a post by Terre Thaemlitz — http://www.comatonse.com/writings/2013_we_are_not_welcome_here.html — which includes this quote that made me stop and go WOW. I need to look for some more stuff this person has written.

I have spent the bulk of my adult life attempting to debunk notions of talent and creativity, particularly in relation to concepts of authenticity and innate attributes. I embrace fakery and hypocrisy as means of actively deprogramming my own relationships to essentialist and individualist identity constructs. As someone fitting into an MTF category, whereby I am instantly expected to be campy, upbeat and entertaining, I have gone to great lengths in my own performances to present an alternative transgendered stage that forgoes both glamour and trash in favor of critical minded boredom and uneventfulness.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terre_Thaemlitz

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